Like the confused waitress from a harbor town who worked laying whiskey down — which, incidentally, is not a brandy — in the famous 1972 single by Looking Glass, trying to figure out what makes a drink an actual descendant of the original “burnt wine” brandy spirit can make your head spin. With all the different regions, categories, and label restrictions, it can be overwhelming, but it’s actually not as hard as it seems.

So, fetch another round of Armagnac, Cognac, or Calvados, and be misled no more. Brandy is nothing more than a distilled adult form of fruit juice — although it is rarely served in a little square carton with a straw. Distilled fruit — that is it.

Other similarly dark colored spirits like Scotch and bourbon often get confused with brandy. But whiskey is made from fermented grain mash, so it is not a brandy. Likewise, rum is distilled from sugar or molasses and therefore also not a brandy.

To be a brandy, the drink must be distilled from fruit. The fruit of choice is usually grapes or grapes that have already been made into wine, but technically it can be distilled from any fruit. Apples, pears, plums — all can and have been made into fruit brandy.

Some evidence exists that fruit was distilled for medicinal purposes as far back as the third century. But 16^th century Dutch wine merchants, who distilled their product in order to compact it into barrels for travel — rather like packing cubes for wine — are most often credited with the invention of brandy.

The plan was to add water to this “brandewijn,” meaning “burnt wine,” to dilute and expand the product back to its original wine properties. But customers soon developed a taste for the stronger, concentrated version, and a new market for brandy was born.

And concentrated it is. Brandy is typically 35 to 60 percent alcohol, while wine is just 12 percent, and a bottle of beer is only 5 percent alcohol. So, care should be taken when drinking brandy because that level of concentration will lower yours considerably.

Brandy made its way to Staten Island, New York, in the early 1600s. Some years later, George Washington himself jumped on the brandy bandwagon and began distilling his own peach version. He once wrote a letter expressing regret for not being able to send the wife of the Marquis de Lafayette some of his homemade peach brandy. However, after Washington’s death in 1799, more than 150 gallons of brandy were found at his Mount Vernon home, so perhaps he could have spared a bit of his brandy but just didn’t want to.

While Washington was making his peach brandy, Spanish missionaries were making a grape variety in California, which is where most American grape brandies are currently distilled. It is not, however, the state that consumes the most brandy. While much of the country may enjoy an occasional brandy, the stuff is so popular in the Midwest that the region from Minnesota to Michigan has been named America’s “Brandy Belt.”

The epicenter of the Brandy Belt is Wisconsin, which consumes 12 times more brandy than any other state in America. This Wisconsinite love affair with brandy supposedly began when the three Korbel brothers brought their newly distilled product to the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair. Wisconsin residents, many of whom were German immigrants who missed the brandy of their homeland, flocked to the fair, sampled the Korbel brothers’ beverage, and their unbreakable bond with brandy was born.

While brandy is simply distilled fruit, the subsets available can get quite confusing. The most widely known brandy is Cognac. And yes, all Cognac is brandy. But like some drunken version of a reasoning skills exam, not all brandy is Cognac.

To be a Cognac, the brandy must be made in a very specific region of France called, yes, the Cognac region. Any brandy made outside of this region is not considered a Cognac. And within the Cognac family, many brands are available from which to choose, such as Hennessy, Remy Martin, and Courvoisier. Each brand has varying designations that tell how long its product has been aged, such as VSOP or XO. See more on that below.

Think of it like a nesting doll. The outside doll is brandy, a distilled fruit juice. Inside the brandy doll is the Cognac doll, which is only made within the specific French region of Cognac. Inside of the Cognac doll is the brand doll, such as Remy Martin or Pierre Ferrand. Inside of the brand doll lies the “how long aged” label distinction, such as XO or XXO.

And by the time you reach that doll, I hope she offers you a nice snifter of brandy, specifically a Cognac, Hennessy brand, with an XO designation. Since not all brandy is Cognac, obviously other types of brandies are available. The most common are:

Cognac — distilled twice, in copper pots, and only in the Cognac region of France.

Armagnac — like Cognac, Armagnac brandy can only bear that name if it was made in the specific Armagnac region, and while it uses the same age-rating system as its Cognac compatriot, it is distilled only once.

Calvados — an apple brandy, distilled in oak for at least two years, and produced only in the Calvados regions of Normandy, France. It is often confused with an American liqueur, applejack, which is also distilled from apples but is not technically a brandy because it is then mixed with other spirits. To be an apple brandy, it must contain only distilled apples.

Pisco — distilled from grapes and produced in both Peru and Chili unless you actually live in Peru or Chili, in which case there is no such thing as either a Peruvian or a Chilean pisco. One is real pisco and the other a fake, depending on where you reside. This boozy battle for exclusive rights to the pisco name is still unresolved, but Peruvian pisco, distilled in copper or glass pots and aged for at least three months, is more readily available in the United States.

Grappa — aged in wooden casks for at least one year and made only in Italy. Grappa is a “pomace” brandy, meaning that it is distilled from the mixture that is left over after grapes have been pressed into wine.

Brandy de Jerez — distilled from grapes, aged in sherry casks, and produced only in the Spanish region of Jerez. The sherry casks give this brandy a distinctive red color, and it can be aged anywhere from one to 10 years.

Cognac remains the most well known of all the varieties and comes with its own particular rating system, indicating how long that particular brandy has been aged:

VS — “Very Special.” These Cognacs have aged at least two years and are less expensive — typically about $40 per bottle — than older Cognacs and are thus best used in cooking or mixed in a cocktail.

VSOP — “Very Superior Old Pale.” Aged at least four years and priced around $65, many versions are delightful served neat, but they are also the Cognac most typically used in cocktail bars and are very good when used in cooking.

XO — “Extra Old.” Now we are moving into the more elite Cognacs. XOs are aged for at least 10 years, but many exceed that by another five or 10 years. These are the sipping Cognacs that can be priced anywhere from $100 to $300. Do not accidentally use a cup of your husband’s XO Cognac for your slow-cooked chicken recipe. Trust me on this; it does not end well.

XXO — “Extra Extra Old.” Aged a minimum of 14 years, this is a category that was very recently added. First awarded in 2018, the XXO designation is the highest official “age” rating a Cognac can have. Prices generally start at $500 and go up from there, so diluting these special Cognacs with any other ingredients is out of the question.

Hors d’age — “Beyond Age,” which means old. Just really, really old. So old that it would be rude to ask its age. One of the most prominent Cognacs in this category is the Remy Martin Louis XIII. Several establishments in the Columbia area offer a 2-ounce serving of this elite Cognac for just $500 for a 2-ounce serving. Or you could purchase your own bottle for a mere $3,500. Just don’t use it in the slow-cooked chicken recipe.

With so many options available, there’s no reason that everyone, even those living outside of the state of Wisconsin, can’t enjoy brandy either neat or as the main ingredient of a delicious cocktail. So at night, when the bars close down, don’t crave a drink that’s not around. Make it happen yourself! Here are some recipes to get you started:

Brandy Neat

Unlike most of us after a large meal, brandy doesn’t need time to breathe or relax and can be poured and served directly out of the bottle. Keep in mind, however, that brandy served neat has but one ingredient, so your brandy selection should be a little more discriminating than a drink that relies on other ingredients. For the “neatest” experience, it’s best to go with a brandy rating of VSOP or higher.

1½ ounces room temperature brandy

Pour the brandy into a 9-ounce brandy snifter, then use your hand to warm the glass. If you want to look like a pro, carefully swirl the liquid around in the glass, remembering that spilling brandy on your shirt will instantly relieve you of your pro-level status. From about chest level — so as not to singe your nose — breathe in the brandy aroma, before taking very small sips.

Variation: On the Rocks

Add an ice cube and let the brandy cool. Again, sip slowly.

Brandy Alexander

The most famous of all mixed brandy beverages, a Brandy Alexander is usually considered an after-dinner indulgence. The “Alexander,” originally made with gin and pure white in color, was created in 1929 by a New York bartender named Troy Alexander as part of a dinner celebration held in honor of the successful train travel advertising campaign featuring a fictional female railway worker named Phoebe Snow. A decade later, brandy replaced gin in a cocktail called the Alexander Two, which eventually morphed into the Brandy Alexander.

This frothy, decadent delight has made its way into numerous movies and television shows, including Mad Men, American Horror Story, The Big Bang Theory, and Bedazzled but can easily make an appearance in your home as well.

1 ounce brandy (does not need to be top shelf)
1 ounce crème de cacao or other chocolate liqueur
1 ounce heavy cream
Ground nutmeg for garnish

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice, then add the brandy, crème de cacao, and cream and shake until cold — approximately 15 seconds. Strain into a cocktail glass, sprinkle with nutmeg, and enjoy!

Variations

By using ice cream instead of heavy cream, this cocktail becomes a delightful adult dessert. Replace the cream with ½ cup of vanilla ice cream, increase the brandy to 1½ ounces, and keep the 1 ounce of crème de cacao. Place all the ingredients into a blender, and process on slow until smooth. Pour into a cocktail glass, sprinkle with nutmeg, and serve immediately.

Wisconsin Old-Fashioned

Whiskey is usually the go-to for an Old-Fashioned cocktail, but if you are in the heart of the Brandy Belt, it is all brandy, all the time. At the1893 Chicago World’s Fair, the Korbel brothers first showcased their brand of brandy to homesick German immigrants, who thought it tasted like “home,” consequently creating the lasting liaison between Wisconsinites and their beloved brandy. Prohibition necessitated the addition of other ingredients to mask the flavor of the rather randy brandy available, and thus this state drink of Wisconsin was born.

2 orange slices
2 maraschino cherries
4 dashes Angostura bitters
1 sugar cube
2 ounces brandy (does not need to be top shelf)
Ice
7 Up or Sprite soda
Orange slice for garnish

In an Old-Fashioned glass, muddle orange slices, cherries, bitters, and sugar cube. Add enough ice to fill the glass, and then pour in the brandy. Top with 7 Up or Sprite, stir, then garnish with an orange slice.

Variations

The above recipe is for a “sweet” Brandy Old-Fashioned, but you can make it a sour by replacing the 7 Up with a grapefruit soda or a prepackaged sour mix. Or, make it a Wisconsin Old-Fashioned “press” by adding half 7 Up and half club soda. The garnishes can get unique in Wisconsin establishments, so feel free to use anything from cherry slices to olives to pickled Brussels sprouts. Yes, pickled Brussels sprouts. It’s your drink, you decide.

Classic Pisco Sour

Nothing stirs (or in this case, shakes) a debate quite like the origin of the frothy pisco sour. Both Chili and Peru claim parentage, but most sources believe it was first concocted in 1915 by Victor Morris, an American bartender living in Lima, Peru.

The base ingredient, pisco, a brandy distilled from clear grape wine, is the national beverage in both Peru and Chili, and both countries want exclusive rights to the name, just like France has with the name Cognac.

Chili, which produces more pisco annually than Peru, goes so far as to remove the label from any Peruvian pisco that makes its way across the Chilean border. Peru, on the other hand, produces less but exports more and claims that its rigorous regulations concerning the production of this controversial brandy — such as requiring a single distillation process and forbidding the use of wood barrels in the aging process — gives it a superior quality and should therefore be the only country to proudly bear the pisco name.

The Pisco Sour is delicious regardless of the origin of the base ingredient, but Chilean pisco is not as readily available in the United States, so if you have a bottle of this controversial spirit, chances are good that it is from Peru.

2 ounces pisco
¾ ounce freshly squeezed lime juice
½ ounce simple syrup
1 large egg
Angostura bitters for garnish

Add the pisco, lime juice, simple syrup, and egg into a shaker without ice, and shake for approximately 15 seconds or until egg whites are frothy. Add ice, then shake for another 15 seconds, or until well chilled. Strain into a coupe glass, then dot with 3 to 5 drops of bitters. Using a toothpick, swirl the bitters on top of the froth to create an artistic flair.

Brandy Milk Punch

Once considered the perfect hangover cure, you don’t need to be suffering from last night’s festivities in order to enjoy this traditional brunch-time beverage. The sweet frothy bliss of a classic brandy milk punch is often considered a Christmas drink, mainly due to its close kinship with eggnog but can be relished year-round. Thought to herald from Scotland in the late 1600s, this silky concoction eventually made its way to the American Colonies. There, even Benjamin Franklin became a fan of this smooth nurturing nectar. Thinking it an excellent cure for whatever ailed them, Colonists used whiskey or rum as the original base to their medicinal morning brew. Around the Civil War, when Southern gentlemen were discouraged from drinking whiskey, brandy became the primary spirited ingredient in the preparation of a boozy milk punch.

In the original recipe, the milk or cream was left to curdle with the brandy, then strained into a large bowl and bottled. However, dairy won’t curdle if the beverage is consumed immediately, so shaken versions of this decadently delicious beverage are now a mainstay at many a brunch. And brunch without brandy is just a bleak, belated breakfast.

2 ounces brandy
½ cup half-and-half or whole milk
2 teaspoons powdered sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
Nutmeg, freshly grated

Add all but the nutmeg into a cocktail shaker, fill the shaker with ice, and shake vigorously for at least 30 seconds. Strain into a tall Collins glass or large wine glass filled with ice, sprinkle with nutmeg, and enjoy immediately.