In the much beloved movie The Princess Bride, Miracle Max claims that the greatest thing in the world — better even than true love — is “a nice MLT … mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich … where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They’re so perky! I love that!”

He was close, but I know something he does not. Mutton tastes terrible, and anyone who says differently is probably selling mutton. But if you replace the mutton with bacon? Well! Since the invention of the sandwich, five have been rated the most delightful, the most delicious, the purest in flavor.

The BLT leaves them all behind. It is that good. The club sandwich — a double decker mouthful consisting of three slices of bread, turkey, bacon, lettuce, and tomato — is thought to be the inspiration behind the original BLT. I don’t know if perhaps a deli ran out of turkey, but the resulting product was culinary genius, and the BLT has been an American favorite since the mid-1940s.

Both the simplicity and the melding of textures make a BLT so incredibly scrumptious: those fresh ingredients, that blessed arrangement, that “dweam wifin a dweam.” But as elementary as it seems, it is still possible to mess up this deli classic. And a bad BLT? Inconceivable!

Since a shortage exists of perfect sandwiches in the world, it would be a pity to damage yours. So don’t get used to disappointment — just follow these tips:

No double decker BLTs — Let me explain … no, there is too much. Let me sum up. You want every bite to be the combination of all three ingredients, and double deckers are usually too big to fit in your mouth at one time. Even if you have a Mouth of Unusual Size — a MOUS — they invariably fall apart, and you end up eating the ingredients separately.

Bread — You bought that expensive artisan bread? You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The first is never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less well-known is don’t use fancy bread when your BLT is on the line! You don’t want the flavor of the bread competing with the other ingredients or a crust that is too chewy. Any sort of sturdy white bread will do the trick.

Mayonnaise — Sure, you could make your own. But why? Just buy a jar of mayonnaise and get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.

Bacon — If you guessed thinly sliced is better than thick? Then yes, you’re very smart. Shut up. You want crunch, not chew, so normal- to thin-sliced bacon is preferred.

Lettuce — Fresh romaine works best. And remember, it’s not your hands that determine a good head of lettuce; it’s your nose. So smell, but do not touch. What you do not smell is fresh lettuce. A mild earthy smell is fine, but if you detect anything strong or unpleasant, your lettuce is mostly dead. While there’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead, mostly dead should still not be used for your BLT.

Tomato — This is really the star of the show, and if it doesn’t perform, your sandwich will be a flop. Select a fresh, meaty heirloom or beefsteak tomato.

Assembly — There is but one way: the lettuce goes first, then the bacon, then the tomato. Done.

Cut — Use a serrated knife and take your time. You rush a sandwich maker, you get rotten sandwiches.

Storage — It’s best to eat your BLT as soon as possible, but it can last up to one day if covered and refrigerated. Good night sandwich. Sleep well. I’ll most likely eat you in the morning.

Want the recipe for the perfect BLT?

As you wish!

2 slices of white bread
1 beefsteak tomato
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 romaine lettuce leaf
4 slices of thin-cut bacon
Salt
Pepper

Cook the bacon using your favorite method, making sure the pieces are uniformly crispy, then tear each piece in half. Slice the tomatoes into ⅓-inch-thick slices, place on a paper towel to absorb excess moisture, and season lightly with salt and pepper. Grill the bread in a skillet with butter until golden — but only on one side. Spread 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise on the ungrilled side of both slices. Put the lettuce on one slice, folding it in as needed. Layer the bacon on top, then the tomato, and finish with the second piece of toast — mayonnaise side down of course. Press down on your masterpiece, cut in half, and enjoy!

It’s so perky — you’ll love it!